Funeral Arrangements

Here's a random note I found on my facebook dated November 9th, 2007:

What started as a Health 101 assignment at Spokane Falls Community College, soon became a work of art.

LIVING WILL

My name is Randy Harward and this is a Living Will concerning affairs that should be dealt with in the case of my sudden and tragic death. I would like to make a specific gift of cash to my brother, Jared Harward of $500 to cover my funeral costs. If Jared is unavailable then I would have my youngest brother Scott Harward be in charge of the arrangements. All of the remainder of my estate will go to my children as the primary heirs either in equal shares or in trust. My primary executor of this will should be my brother Jared Harward, if he is not available then I would like my friend Brett Ehlert be in charge. If I should have any minor children at the time of my death, my wish is for them to be in custody of my sister Katelyn Harward. If Katelyn is not available then I would have my friend Brett Ehlert assume custody. Concerning the disposition of my remains, I would like to be buried in the wheat fields of northern Idaho. I have not made arrangements with any funeral home or cemetery. My wishes for my funeral are as follows: the event will begin by my brother Jared lighting fifty bottle rockets simultaneously in different directions. My mother/sister will then read a short eulogy concerning my contributions to society and my domination at Halo 2. A musical item will then be given by a Creedance Clearwater Revival Tribute band. I would prefer them to play “Run through the Jungle” but “Bad Moon Rising” will also suffice. At the concluding note of the song, I would like a fifty-gun salute followed by a six-plane fly-by courtesy of the U.S. Air Force. My coffin will then be elevated by a crane, set on fire, then dumped into a fourteen-foot hole. The fourteen feet are essential in case my corpse becomes a possessed zombie. The funeral will close by everyone taking turns shoveling rose petals into the hole, with a layer of fresh top-soil for the surface. The after-party will be held at Shari’s on Sullivan.